Gremlins

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It's the first Sunday of my two week vacation and I had to make a list. Vacation time should mean No Lists Required but we are where we are and I am who I am.

(My inner gremlin would like me to tell you that I'm full of sh*t. I'm not but the gremlin insists.)

I was in the office for a week between my emergency leave and vacation. Mid-week, we had a great session about resiliency and re-setting after working through an emergency event. This session led to discussions about what folks need and how they've adapted, skills and knowledge gained and unhelpful habits we should eliminate. I have already been thinking about this for months and months, but it was good to have everyone tuned in to these questions by professionals. We also talked about transitioning to vacation / leave and things we should to to help people prepare so they get real rest. Of course, this good advice arrived two days before I was to sign off on vacation so while I appreciated it, it made me feel like I was further behind the eight ball. 

Thursday I woke up feeling a high level of anxiety about the day ahead. I told myself it was normal, there's a lot going on, and the kind of work I was doing that day would cause anyone some anxiety; some of what I was feeling was probably sympathetic. I got through the day.

Friday I woke up feeling much the same. What was going on? OK. You're excited not anxious about vacation. There's a lot to do today and you've been planning something good for the team. It will all work out. I had a good conversation with my Director, added some time to my leave (making it a full two weeks instead of 1.5) and I got through the day. The fun surprise for the team went well, too.

Saturday I woke up early and felt anxious. What the hell. OK. There has been a lot going on. I'm coming down after a busy week...and I haven't had any updates on the condo AT ALL all week and honestly I had barely thought about what I should be doing. I'd made a call on Monday and sent an email on Wednesday or Thursday, but otherwise, nada. Uncertainty would also make anyone anxious, especially when they've been unexpectedly moved out of their home. But holy f*ck. [Saturday wins: I forced myself out the door, got a new pair of sandals and donated my old ones, bought books, scrub brushes, groceries.]

Add to that a 44.5 year old's hormones and miserable cycle-related business...and no heating pad because the ones I own(ed) were plugged in and in water during the flood...and you won't be surprised to hear that I had to force myself out of the house yesterday afternoon, nor that I had to make a to do list today.

I am still coping my socks off but it takes work. F*CK it takes work. I made myself the above TO DO / DONE list to help me get sh*t done (GSD) today. I made a list of everything that is eating up bandwidth and noted the next right step (or three) for each of them. Then, because there are always things that pop up and get done without being on the list, I started making a list of things in the DONE column. I use this method all the time at work and I needed it today. 

Sure enough, once I started the list, things started to get done. I'm starting to feel a little more on top of things and a little more sure I'll be able to check out this week. 

A little.

Ceci n'est pas un gremlin.

Comments

  1. KerryJune 28, 2021 at 1:42 PM

    Lists are so such a comfort to me, the framework they offer, the assurance that all isn't blowing away in a hurricane. (I also found getting excited about anything, after going through a period of anxiety last year, was REALLY CONFUSING, because the two are so similar...)

    ReplyDelete

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